bandwitch.

letters from the earth.

Fri, 18 May 2007 03:19:30 GMT

I. "man is an experiment, the other animals are another experiment. time will show whether they were worth the trouble."

II. "man is a marvelous curiosity. when he is at his very very best he is sort of a low grade nickel-plated angel; at his worst he is unspeakable, unimaginable; and first and last and all the time he is a sarcasm. yet he blandly and in all sincerity calls himself the 'noblest work of God.'"

III. "but now they could do evil--and suffer for it; now they had acquired what the church calls an invaluable possession, the moral sense; that sense which differentiates man from the beast and sets him above the beast. instead of below the beast--where one would suppose his proper place would be, since he is always foul-minded and guilty and the beast always clean-minded and innocent. it is like valuing a watch that must go wrong, above a watch that can't."

-mark twain.

civil disobedience.

Thu, 12 Apr 2007 05:36:14 GMT

"the mass of men serve the state thus, not as men mainly, but as machines, with their bodies. they are the standing army, and the militia, jailers, constables, posse comitatus, &c. in most cases there is no free exercise whatever of the judgment or of the moral sense; but they put themselves on a level with wood and earth and stones; and wooden men can perhaps be manufactured that will serve the purpose as well. such command no more respect than men of straw, or a lump of dirt. they have the same sort of worth only as horses and dogs. yet such as they even are commonly esteemed good citizens. others, as most legislators, politicians, lawyers, ministers, and office-holders, serve the state chiefly with their heads; and, as they rarely make any moral distinctions, they are as likely to serve the devil, without intending it, as God. a very few, as heroes, patriots, martyrs, reformers in the great sense, and men, serve the state with their consciences also, and so necessarily resist it for the most part; and they are commonly treated by it as enemies. a wise man will only be useful as a man, and will not submit to be "clay," and "stop a hole to keep the wind away," but leave that office to his dust at least:--

"i am too high-born to be propertied,
to be a secondary at control,
or useful serving-man and instrument
to any sovereign state throughout the world."

he who gives himself entirely to his fellow-men appears to them useless and selfish; but he who gives himself partially to them is pronounced a benefactor and philanthropist."

-henry david thoreau.

you can't take me anywhere, i can't take you anywhere.

Tue, 27 Feb 2007 03:34:32 GMT

we would quickly lose count if we attempted to count every time we heard a siren or saw and emergency vehicle drive by. but everytime we do, someone's family member, best friend or spouse is in trouble. i think it's sad that we forget about these sirens minutes after we hear them. i'm not saying we should dwell in what brings us down, i just think it's sad that we're so easy to forget the problems of others and take for granted what we have.

i rarely speak like this. it's funny that i'm in a surprisingly okay mood.

pages + words = beautiful.

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 00:15:33 GMT

hey everybody ever.
it is imperative that you obtain a copy of fante's 'ask the dust' immediately. once in your possession it must be read in one sitting or the world will end and it will be your fault.

ar-tard.

Tue, 13 Feb 2007 01:00:37 GMT

today while sitting at a red light on fairbanks i noticed what seemed to be a private practice advertising a man named 'DR CLEANER'. i thought to myself, 'wow, what a neat last name.'

as the light changed and i pulled forward i realized it was not, in fact, a doctors' office of any type. it was merely a 'DRY CLEANERS'.

the end.

you only confuse my perplexity.

Sat, 10 Feb 2007 10:07:51 GMT

now's not the time. my head's not right. but i mean every word i say.

the human condition.

Wed, 07 Feb 2007 07:42:05 GMT

i either feel like i have more than i deserve or things are worse than they should be. there's no in between. one thing changes and i switch from one to the other.

this doesn't relate.
this may relate.
but not in the same way.
it can't.

relapse.

Tue, 06 Feb 2007 04:14:04 GMT

does it come in cages? does it come in threes?
i'm tripping all the time. i'm tripping on high seas.

guaranteed to bother everyone on one point or another.

Thu, 25 Jan 2007 02:56:54 GMT

CONSERVATIVE
- against affirmative action
- strict on immigration
- against legalizing marijuana
- not a big fan of feminism

MODERATE
- fiscal policies
- welfare
- flat vs. fair tax

LIBERAL
- against the death penalty
- pro-gay marriage
- pro-stem cell research
- pro-choice (sort of)
- for stricter gun laws
- not a fan of the war
- seperation of church and state
- environmental issues
- foreign affairs

to each his own, i would like to hear your views.

and when you go i'll be the only thing who cares.

Tue, 05 Dec 2006 03:59:18 GMT

fuck karma.

fuck karma.

you shouldn't wake me a while.

sex aid drugs bought online can be deadly.

Wed, 22 Nov 2006 05:07:08 GMT

as a follow up to the last entry, i have done some research and taken some time to think and i have decided i am what you might call a 'humanist'. kurt vonnegut was a humanist, and he seems alright so i'm not too concerned about this declaration.

as a follow up to the entries about naming the children i probably wont have, i thought 'jakov' would be a nice name for a boy. then i thought about 12 year old boys calling him 'jack off' and him running home crying. i also thought of a pretty girl's name but then i fell asleep and forgot upon waking. although i don't feel like i've lost too much seeing as these names would require me to have the children and that's a real downer.

sickness was fixing me some,
coughed out my heart in the last stall.
now that the damage is done,
i never miss it at all.

speaking of downers. MAN.

for an upper, 'aquaman' and 'robocop' are coming for a visit 03/31/07. there will be 'heart attacks'. i am 'excited'.

i promise to commit no acts of violence, be it physical or otherwise, if things come alive.

Mon, 06 Nov 2006 20:52:30 GMT

i went to two church services this past weekend. i am not christian. this happens often with performing. (good news = no performance anxiety whatsoever. things are getting better).

but church.

i try not to be cynical. i try to be open-minded. i really think i try hard. i was trying to determine why everything seems to fake and meaningless to me; why i couldn't let myself believe that anyone was genuine or honest or free of alterior motives. i came up with the conclusion that the establishment of church, in a sense, is the cause of a sense of triteness in services. active christians go to church once a week (for the most part), maybe more. i understand the bible is a large book, full of reviewable and sometimes, if manipulated enough, relevant ideas for somewhat everyday life. but as more and more time passes, there's only so much you can do. time is infinite, pages of the bible are not. it's been 2006 years and counting, and reviewing the same ideas week after week has got to lose some of it's new and glorious meaning.

then why do we go every week? why do we go at all?

"if god is everywhere, why do i have to go to church on sunday? why can't i go down to the imperial poolhall? isn't god down there, too?" - john fante.

why does it become forced? if prayer is forced, doesn't it lose it's genuinity? why do we feel that it is necessary to prove we are good believers? are we looking for praise or respect? i don't think 'believing' in a diety is something one can easily control. you can tell yourself you believe in god until you're blue in the face, but if you don't honestly mean it, what good is it doing? why should someone who has faith be praised over someone who doesn't, if it's not something we can help?

at my second service of the weekend, a little boy was baptised. he cried the entire time. he was too young to speak, let alone know what was going on. his parents were happy. he kept crying. it was annoying. i don't enjoy crying children.

but in this case, i felt more sorry for him than anything. if he grows up and happens to be one of the ones who don't easily 'believe', but is baptised anyway. his parents will probably be disappointed and the boy will feel guilty for feelings relatively out of his control. poor kid. poor crying kid.

at this same service, the sermon began with a story about a jew and a christian. the jew criticizes a small aspect of the christian's religion and father whatever gets his desired shock value. because you know, if it's not christian, it's not right! i know i shouldn't be so cynical. i know if i lived in another country with another dominating religion, i'd most likely be just the same way. but living in the u.s. where 80 plus percent of the population considers themselves to be christian, it is hard not to consider other religions innocent bystanders that are criticized and undermined. i have this underlying idea that if i'm not christian and jesus is not my lord and savior i will burn eternally in hell.

if i lived in another part of the world, would i still feel this way? am i expected to believe people of all different religions will be burning with me for the sheer innocence of believing something different is right? if we're good people, isn't that what matters? maybe more than claiming jesus is your lord and savior and not acting as a good citizen. (ted haggard. ted haggard. ted haggard. oh, my, ted haggard.) only 7 percent of england's citizens attend church on a regular basis. will 93 percent join me in hell?

i'm not saying i don't believe in god. sometimes things happen that make me almost certain there is. (like bukowski's 'you get so alone at times that it just makes sense' only in a divinely intervenious way. if that makes sense. for the record, i prefer fante to bukowski. i apologize to the 'masses', if there can be some sort of twisted bukowski vs. fante mass. i would be interested to see what that service consisted of. anywho.) i'm just saying i don't not believe in anything, if that makes sense. as long as you're a good person, believe what you want.

smaller notes:

i'm doing really well in my politics class.

i registered my classes for next semester. i am two credits over what's allowed. by the end of the year i'll have 41 credits. that is an incredible relief.

i believe i'm going to double major in music and political science, and depending on how much i get out of the way this year, possibly minor in studio art. it sounds crazy, but it's actually slightly possible. this makes me feel more confident about my future.

i should learn to walk right so i don't trip in front of people twice a day or more.

but why not travel the country taking pictures of parking lots, i mean, really?

Tue, 24 Oct 2006 22:12:29 GMT

i was walking up the stairs of the parking garage behind this woman who seemed to be skipping a stair every so often. there didn't seem to be a pattern behind this, just a few random stairs weren't good enough. as i was beginning to take notice she turned around and said, "just getting my daily exercise." i hadn't inquired. i said, "oh. heh." what do you say when a stranger offers you personal information about quirky antics you hadn't asked about? "oh. heh." is what i say, i guess. i started to think about why she might have bothered to acknowledge my presence and make sure i understood what she was doing. if she had been worried about me thinking she was a nut didn't she consider what i might have thought upon knowing her preferred daily exercise was skipping a couple stairs while walking up two and a half flights in a public parking garage? and if this were her daily exercise wouldn't she be used to people thinking things? i wouldn't expect her to bother explaining herself unless i asked, which i had not.

i wore old, long jeans today and as most of my jeans do, they drag on the ground. counting the height of your leg in inches is not conducive to fitting properly in normal-people jeans unless you have the ability to fit in children's sizes. i do not have that ability.

as i listened to my jeans drag and scrape against the ground, i was reminded of a time when i used to drag my feet as i walked. i had not taken any notice of this habit until someone mentioned something and after that i could neither fix the problem or walk without noticing it. i finally managed to stop, probably after a few more people took verbal notice.

then i thought about a time when my father inquired, "what, do you think it's cute to walk with your feet pointed in like that? well it's not. you're a girl, not a penguin. (burp. drinks pepsi. takes insulin.)" from there on i began to notice my feet pointing in while i walked. for months i preferred ducks to penguins and walked with my feet in what felt like a 180 degree angle. eventually my feet seemed to be going in a normal human walking direction and ocd carried me on to other things.

but why would these few comments inspire me to obsess over something so petty? i answered that question with another question; why would that woman, whom i will most likely never see again, and if i were to, probably wouldn't recognize turn around and explain why she did something she simply wanted to do? had she unknowingly done this as a child and been criticized by a brother or cousin and grown self-conscious of doing what might just be fun? i don't want to be the figure that unknowingly causes someone to take watch of little actions like there are eyes on them at all times. who was i to judge this woman? at least she finds time to squeeze exercise into her day. good for her.

no matter whether we realize it or not, we are all self-conscious. "i don't care what people think" may be appropriate when the 'people' is justified as 'certain people', but there will always be others whose opinion, for one reason or another do matter.

one day amidst dashboard conversation marcelo mentioned how he notices peoples' walks. i grew nervous. i asked him what my walk was like, and he said, "your walk is.. cute." i relaxed. again, whether we like to admit it or not, we want the people we respect to respect us. even when we don't care if they walk like a penguin or duck or gorilla we don't want to be the one compared to a bison, now do we?

another thought, there is a massive group of sweaty, half-dressed men on the lawn outside playing football, perhaps in an attempt to grab the attention of the head of something and say, "hey there, how about a football team?!"

rollins football: still undefeated.

andy warhol thinks everybody should like everybody. maybe he's onto something.

Mon, 23 Oct 2006 21:05:33 GMT

heartbreak is quite a clever description of a feeling. such as it's relative, heartburn, it's something you actually feel right around your heart. it feels like something is pertruding against what was formerly your untouched and properly working vital organ. kudos to whoever took it upon themself to name these feelings. but what's a kudo? that one gets me.

relaxing chamomile tea, you are sure delicious but your claim to relax is a big lie. you offer me immediate pleasure, but in 10 minutes, 20 minutes or an hour you disappoint me with empty promises. like a statue of a greek god. what am i going to do with a statue of a greek god after staring at it for a matter of seconds? i'm going to become uninterested and talk to a human who will most likely not look as good but will offer me future satisfaction with a conversation or perhaps tea that doesn't lie when it claims to relax. i could have used this tea bearing man when the insomnia fairy decided to crash at my place last night.

humans, including myself entertain me. they (we) entertain me with their (our) silly tactics. it seems whenever we find ourselves in alarming situations our first reaction is to do the least logical thing possible. if there's nothing illogical enough we'll fucking invent something. someone gets a ring stuck on their finger, they chop their finger off. weeks later, they ponder what life would have been like had they used soap and water to remove the ring. a girl forgets her makeup and feels self-conscious. she spends 4 hours picking berries, concocting her very own homegrown makeup. months later she forgets her makeup and asks to borrow some from a friend. you're a certain anonymous character whose name begins with the letter l or m or p or q and you have to pee. real bad. you're outside a friends house and decide it makes much more sense to pee in the bushes than ask to use a bathroom. although, to give this character the benefit of the doubt some effects of intoxication are, of course, forgetting homes have bathrooms.

'tywegs.' this is an acronym for me to look back on at a later date and be reminded of something. aged-emily, incase time has made you dense and caused you to lose your wit, i will give you a clue. the 'g' stands for 'good'. as in 'good'.

kassy holmes just suggested i be a shoe for halloween.

she decided that was dumb, and took it back.

it's time to take baby mac to the apple doctor. or we beat baby mac.

Mon, 23 Oct 2006 02:26:49 GMT

and i could dress her like the fucking chiquita banana.

Mon, 23 Oct 2006 02:24:22 GMT

if i have a daughter, i could name her sangria.

imaginary conception and matrimony involving klause influenced mortals.

Fri, 20 Oct 2006 17:58:26 GMT

at this point in time, i do not want children. however, i will need to get over that as the years go on because my incredible mind keeps thinking of fabulous names. i will need to name something, and having puppies named atticus, mordecai and giuseppe is just plain weird. i will also need to make certain i do not have any girls, for my incredible mind ceases to come up with female names to match the perplexing beauty of the male names. in fact, i know what i will do. to avoid the annoyance of children and the financial responsibility of parenthood (as a starving artist or musician that neither teaches nor performs, i predict a nice, big lack of income) i will create imaginary children. sort of like imaginary friends from childhood, but not totally lame. i can even control the sex of my (imaginary) children! just when i thought my mind couldn't be any more incredible, there i go. thinking up something amazing like this. the only thing i'll need to do now is convince jaclyn's daughter, enid coleslaw kimball (who i do not expect to be imaginary, although who am i to say) that she would love to marry one of my imaginary children. i can pre-conceptually assure her that these imaginary men are the men of her imaginary dreams. how lucky would i be to be the grandmother of opaque, ghostlike children? quite lucky, so says i.

Sun, 15 Oct 2006 19:52:34 GMT

nevermind, shirt's okay.

Mon, 02 Oct 2006 00:17:02 GMT

dumb bitch cafe da vinci chair ruined my shirt yesterday dumb bitch chair

and if all our days are numbered, why do i keep counting?

Wed, 27 Sep 2006 19:50:46 GMT

i am so apologetic. i forgot to remind the livejournal community of my birthday on september 18th. i hope you forgive me. you're still welcome to wish me a happy birthday however, i accept late wishes. politics exam number one, i kicked your ass. come end the genocide in darfur this weekend at stetson university. hey stetson, how come you're a university and we're just a college? and how come you steal myjaclyn every week? stetson, this weekend you and i are going to have a talk. if you've never tried it, you should pull off to the side of the road at some late hour, blast 'rapture rapes the muses' and dance like an idiot. it's beyond invigorating.

la laaa, la la la laaa, la la la laaa, la la la la la.

this sounds like a song to me.

things are what you make of them.

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 19:30:34 GMT

yesterday had to be one of the hardest days i've had in quite a while. everything's changing. but everything was nice. some things needed to change. some things didn't. i need to go to college, summer can't stay forever. meaning i will not see people i care about as often as i am used and would like to. jaclyn will not be basically living with me anymore (however, i'll be living with her occasionally).

rollins was a shock. i got to my first day of orientation and received a schedule. however, this schedule was different than the one i found online. instead of one and a half days, this schedule showed orientation activities for the next six days (tuesday - sunday) from 9am until 12am. 15 hours of orientation for six consecutive days. the hardest part was going in there expecting to still have a summer left (if nothing else, a weekend) only to find out my summer had ended before i had been prepared to let that happen. ooh, and not having a set schedule. i don't do well without a set schedule, freaks me out.

today is better. i have a four hour break before i need to be back for a rcc class, and we spent four hours coloring pictures for the children's ucp school near ucf. we got community service hours for this and we were fed pizza. i had no complaints. when we got back there was a barbeque set up for students and parents where i gots mes some refreshing lemonade and was delighted to hear a smiths song followed by a stars song blasting from some speaker on a field.

best of all, i may be able to leave at 6 friday - sunday to help jaclyn move. i don't want to jinx anything, but i felt the need to express my hope.

i hope i like it here. i hope i don't decide to transfer and end up going through another orientation. i hope i can drop my religion class. i hope i can get into a photography class. i hope to cut down my complaints by fifty percent before the end of my first year. i hope i don't die of a stress ulcer before i am legally of drinking age.

Sat, 12 Aug 2006 19:13:32 GMT

i know this is practically illegal to mention, but..

myspace.com/goldenthimbles

do it.

carry on, it's a marathon.

Sun, 02 Jul 2006 06:48:24 GMT

trip begins in less than 5 hours.

marcelo and fernando are here. marcelo will be taking us to the airport at about 7:15a where we will catch our flight to ny. from there we will spend two days with my grandpa, who lives about a half hour outside the city. on the fourth we'll go into the city (grandpa not included) for the free belle & sebastian show and on the fifth we will go back to the city where we'll pick up myjaclyn. and we will spend the next two days here until the free mates of state show.

(gasp)

from there, we will begin our drive to montreal. i recently learned we will have to stop somewhere on the way for a night, and i would love to stay in a cute little bed & breakfast somewhere around vermont. i have no idea why, but it sounds like a fantastic time. after the land of syrup we will arrive in montreal and remain there for a few days. the dates, etc. become shady around here. we head back to nyc for a couple days, then d.c., south carolina to see momma's family and arrive back home a little past mid-july.

i'm excited to say the least.

newly added great-ity.. david's sweatshirt is joining me.

this sweatshirt, a native of holland has seen more of the world than many people have, or will when this trip is over.

big thaaaanks to marcelo, fernando and bob who will be making sure our dogs remain alive in the next two weeks. we will repay you with love, food and gold-plated diapers.

i should sleep. that.. or watch the entertainment provided for me (to catch a thief, courtesy of marcelo). tomorrow is the beginning of an exciting adventure.

HIGHLY IMPORTANT.

Wed, 28 Jun 2006 04:58:16 GMT

AN INTRODUCTION TO SUNSHINE - THE SOCIAL - JULY 10TH - BE THERE.

a fantastic group of young men (frontman michael serrin not even 17) who have written a fantastic group of young songs will be playing their third, yes third show at the social. if you like music, you'll be there. you don't.. hate music..? do you??

myspace.com/introductiontosunshine

insomniapalOOza 2thousandsix.

Tue, 20 Jun 2006 12:57:21 GMT

it happens at the most inopportune times.

burning a cd.

not getting tired.

i'm always tired.

two extra days in chicago, one extra night.

hells yeah. (totally tits)

anyways..